Over time I have come to conclude that a person cannot change themselves. Tolstoy and Gandhi are famous for the quote, “Everyone wants to change the world but no one thinks of changing themselves.” However, I don’t think you can. We clearly know that you can’t change another person; what makes you think you can change yourself?
What does change look like? How does it happen? How is it measured?
Change is defined as “made or become different”. You could easily argue that a white wall painted blue has changed. You can change your job, priorities, hairstyle, the locks on your door, home location and marriage partner, but can you change yourself?
You can change a thought, habit, attitude or religion, but can you change yourself? You can set new goals, say affirmations, build a support network, utilize a life coach or mentor, but can you change yourself?
Changing Others
People hope to inspire and motivate change in others. A person may give up on this and thus save themselves from unhealthy co-dependency. Some say they will not try to change another person in order to make them happy. This is wise.
Einstein said, “Women marry men hoping they will change and men marry women hoping they won’t. Ultimately both are disappointed.”
You can accept others, love others, serve others, choose how to react to others and choose not to be around them. You can confront others but this does not mean you can change them. You know you can’t change someone else. How about yourself?
Changing Yourself
Other people might try to inspire and motivate ‘you’ to change. Have you got frustrated and exhausted with them doing so? Do you get frustrated trying to change yourself?
Some subscribe to “fake it until you make it.” Others console themselves in taking baby steps like Bill Murray, in the movie “What About Bob”. Maybe you have suppressed things or even given up.
I find church goers are very vulnerable to being told they need to change. I have heard countless explanations and applications of messages in order for a person to get closer to God, to grow and be all you need to be or can be.
A common message is to encourage people to be more disciplined. Being more disciplined is the ultimate ticket to change. It seems ‘the more disciplined person likes to tell the ‘not so disciplined’ person how to live their life. Ultimately the focus is still on change and your need for it.
The Great Exchange
The alternative to all this is “the great exchange.” If you are weary and tired, frustrated and exhausted you might be open to hear me out. Sometimes I wonder if the person who is tired of trying to change is actually tired enough. Many people keep thinking there is one more thing they can do to change or make life work. There is a better way.
As humans we were designed for a spirit life from God. If God is perfect, holy, love and peace it only makes sense that the Life and Spirit that he gives us is the same. The Spirit Life is found in and through a relationship with Jesus Christ and receiving His Life.
His life in us becomes the source and power we need for living. The basis for this is a ‘great exchange’ a Life given to us, living in us and living through us.
” I have been crucified with Christ, and it no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.” Galatians 2:20
The climax of the divine story is the cross, resurrection and the coming of the Spirit of God to reside in us. Jesus came and went to the cross because “we cannot change ourselves” no matter how much we try. We might try to change by being religious and keeping laws. Let’s just call these “requirements”. These requirements have already been met.
“The requirements of the law are fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” Romans 8:4 “We are qualified to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.” Colossians 1:12
The gift of God is called salvation and it can mean that you are saved from trying to change yourself. You need to realize that you can’t. God is waiting for these two precious words, “I can’t”.
Christians will emphasize the finished work that Christ accomplished on the cross. I like to emphasize the finished work is also in us. In our deepest beings we discover that God did a perfect job. Why wouldn’t it be perfect? I exchanged ‘my’ life for His. I become part of the divine story. I can’t add to what He has given. Jesus asked for my life. He not only wanted me to give up all ‘I have’ but also all ‘I am’. If you are experiencing “Christ as your Life” then you have given up all that you were.
I can only accept this by faith. In doing so I begin to witness Spirit fruit change as I give thanks for the way God saved me from myself, especially all the pressure I have from others or myself to change. Maybe you’re tired enough to take comfort in the thought that transformation has been and always will be about God. You are not God, you cannot save yourself and you cannot change yourself.
I tell people, “The day you receive Christ, you measure up before you do anything at all.” Before you pray, serve, give or before there is any merit on your part.
“As you have found Christ, so walk in Him” Colossians 2:6.
Keep walking in the freedom of His Life because the grace, love and acceptance in this is transformational.
“But we all, with unveiled face beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord (now in us), are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18
On the basis of this verse I recently heard someone say that we can ‘reflect’ Christ. In reality we can ‘radiate’ Christ as we give up on our unique way of trying to change ourselves through some fleshly approach.
Is your approach flowing out of completeness? Completeness is defined as “having all the required customary characteristics.” It also means “thorough, entire, total, unmodified, undivided, uncompromised and complete victory.”
Where do you stand on this? A double-minded person is unstable. A house divided against itself will not stand. I have decided to stand on what is completed and trust God to transform me. I can’t change my mind about this because I can’t change myself.
Rob Clogg's Blog 
What does trusting God look like? For so long I’ve been trying to do that but I seem to be stuck at the same place
Thanks for your question and a good one at that. My first thought was to mention that everyone receives a message differently. Christians often define the message of the gospel as ‘truth’ without question. Trust does not mean that you won’t have questions or get stuck. When I have read objections to the “gospel” the good news gets mud thrown all over it and sometimes you don’t see it, but I have developed a confidence in it. I think I have moved past my own personal trust and rely on the character and narrative presented in God as Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I have ‘distrust’ for everything and anything else. Remember that you don’t need ‘more’ trust or faith for one only needs faith like a mustard seed. To rely on ‘your’ faith is a slippery slope. Be careful with anyone who puts the onus on you for trust. Remember that only one person lived the life on earth perfectly and died a perfect death. Jesus trusted his father and the father trusted the son and that is good news to rest in. Notice that you used the word ‘trying’ and I think that word is a pitfall. (example: trying to be humble). You either are humble in the moment or not. You won’t find the word ‘try’ or ‘trying’ in the Bible. Lastly, remember that we live in the moment. An enemy tactic is get you looking ahead or getting you to be convinced that you are a disappointment. In the moment you are holy, righteous, perfect child of God. You will find ‘rest’ as you even believe that for one second. You might then believing that for a minute or longer. You only have the moment, you don’t have tomorrow yet. Rest in this. The ‘rest’ is up to you. Do you get it… rest… don’t try to figure it all out.